Wife Life

Saturday, May 28, 2011

30 Before 30~ Find a job I love

On my 25th birthday I started compiling a list of things I want to accomplish, a 30 Before 30 list. It has been a slow process of crossing these things off my list but today I get to cross of number 18. Once I graduated from nursing school with my ADN I needed to pass the NCLEX and find a job. The NCLEX was tough, but I passed with flying colors! The finding a job part seemed to take forever! Almost 6 months to find a permanent full time position! Just a few months ago on Valentine's day I started a great job working for Macer Medical. It is a great working environment, and Dr. Macer is always teaching me new things. As a nurse I always thought I would need to work in a hospital, but as it turns out working in a clinic is great for me! I have great hours, and weekends/holidays off! I even have some wiggle room to go back to school and get my BSN if I want to. Dr. Macer is even starting a new business called Medilean to help her patients lose weight. I'm excited about it because I get to be here while it is just starting out, so she values my input which is great! I get more responsibilities all the time and even got a raise at my 90-day evaluation! This may not be my forever career, but it is a job that I love. I love being a part of the Macer Medical staff, and I hope I stay a long while!

Friday, May 27, 2011

It was over before it started...

I'm going to talk about something today that I never thought I would open up about on the Internet, but I opened up with an IRL friend recently and it has really helped me deal. I've also seen some of my friends share their troubles online and it seems to have helped them. So I'm giving it a shot.

Last July at my complete physical I spoke to my physician about trying to have a child. She informed me that with having PCOS it would be tough and may take a while, but there are options and things to try. I liked that she was honest with me so we knew what to expect. My husband and I started on what might be a long journey. We still feel (and are!) young so we told ourselves we weren't in any hurry but would take a child when God blessed us with one.

Fast forward to March; Josue and I were still wanting to trust God's timing but we were also realizing the reality of how hard this was going to be. I had an ultrasound to take a look at my uterus & ovaries and found that I had quite a bit of cysts. So my Doctor decided to put me on a medication called Metformin. Traditionally this medication is for diabetics but for some reason having to do with insulin it seems to help patients with PCOS as well. It seems to be working well, I've lost 12 pounds and ovulated right away!

Now this next part is something I haven't shared with anyone not even my closest friends or family, only Josue and I know. As much as I love my Mother and usually share everything with her I'm glad she doesn't read this blog, she doesn't exactly support our decision to start a family "so soon" and I know she would be sad to hear this. (Mom if you ever do read this I know you love me, and would be very happy to have your first grandchild. I love you!). So anyway back to my story... On Sunday April 10th I decided just for fun to take a pregnancy test, I thought there would be no way that it would be positive but since I was 15 days past my first (metformin) cycle I would just try it. I couldn't believe my eyes...it was positive! Just to be sure I used a digital to confirm and it was also 'pregnant'

I had this gift all wrapped up and ready to go to give to Josue for just this moment. (It is a box with a baby blanket and an I love you Daddy T-Shirt) I didn't even get a chance to give it to him cause I came bouncing out of the bathroom with the pee stick! We were both so happy, anxious. and scared all at once!

It wasn't even 48 hours later when I woke up bleeding, I knew it in my heart that it was over, over before I even let myself tell anyone, over before we even got to be truly happy about it, just over! I had what we call in the medical world a Chemical Pregnancy. Being a nurse I knew what it was, I think that made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing. The baby didn't even have a heartbeat yet, and if I'm being honest it wasn't even a baby yet. If I hadn't been checking I wouldn't even had know I was ever pregnant and just had thought I go my period. I was sad, hurt, and angry all at once. Why wasn't I able to hold on to my baby? What was wrong with me? I was almost embarrassed to tell Josue. He is such a wonderful man though. He told me it wasn't my fault (which was exactly what I needed to hear) he held me and just let me cry. I know he was sad too, but he was strong and told me we always had another chance. I now try to look at it as positively as possible and try to realize it wasn't our time, God has different plans for us. It was hard but we have started again, and as always we hope for the best.

A friend of mine posted this picture on her blog, and I just loved it!

I think I may continue to share how I/we are feeling and dealing with trying to start a family. It hasn't yet been a year yet that we started this journey, and I know that other's have had far more struggle and I hope that my blog doesn't offend anyone. For now I just know that we are taking it day by day, trying to stay as positive as possible and know that God has a plan for us.

The friends that I mentioned before that have opened up online about similar issues are an inspiration to me. Not that I could ever imagine having to go through some of their losses, or that I could fully understand the others that are trying to get pregnant, but that I was inspired to share my struggle to get pregnant because their blog entries meant so much to me.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

30 Days, Day Twenty-Nine

Day 29-3 Wishes

Wish 1

That my new meds will work

Wish 2

I wish that my husband and I had more days off together

Wish 3

I wish that more people will donate their time and or money to The Dream Center this is my new project. I just learned about this place, and my heart strings were totally tugged on learning about all that they need.

Monday, March 21, 2011

30 Days, Day Twenty-Eight

Day 28-Something that stresses you out

Something that stresses me out? Well the big one is confrontation, I hate it!! I hate fighting, and I feel just horrible if I offend someone. Like it really bothers me and I feel guilty. I'm not sure why, but I've just always been that way. Except for when it comes to my husband. Maybe because I know he loves me unconditionally. I also think because I know he will be there no matter what, I feel ok to argue with him I know he isn't going to love me any less for stating my opinion or being myself. Or even if I'm completely wrong he will call me out on it and we may argue but in the end I know we love each other and nothing can break that bond. My poor husband, I wonder if reading this he will be happy that he is the only one I like to fight with or he will be sad that he is the only one who has to take my shit. And I'm not saying that I am afraid to be myself that's not it, but sometimes I'd rather let my friends/family voice their opinion and just keep mine to myself if I don't agree. I'm totally content with that. Oh and if I've ever offended you please don't be afraid to tell me, sometimes my mouth gets me in trouble and things don't come out right. Especially in text ;)

Another thing that stresses me out is a new one. At my new job sometimes I have the Doctor, the Office Manager, and the Receptionist asking for something or I have 12 charts piling up on my desk. I guess it just more overwhelming than stressful, but sometimes it feels that way.

I have this friend who once told me nothing ever stresses her out. I love her so much and sometimes I wish I could live more like her. Everytime I see her or talk to her she is positive and happy. Her outlook on life reminds me of one of my favorite movies Pollyanna. I am happy and try to always think positivley, but sometimes it's just plain hard. She is a great inspiration!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

30 Days, Day Twenty-Seven

Day 27-Pets

Well I guess the first blog didn't say my 30 days had to be consecutive. ;)

I've been looking forward to this post because I love my pets so much. They are my babies, and I couldn't live with out them! Believe it or not we have 4 animals!

It all started in 2006 with Bella our white and Orange cat. When we first got him we were told he was a girl, that is where the name Bella comes from. When we brought him to the Vet for shots we were surprised to find out that Bella was a boy. So now we call him Mr Bell or just Bella. When we moved into our apartment in 2008 we couldn't bring him with us because he was an indoor/outdoor cat and animals were frowned upon at our complex. So he stayed with my Mom. Even though we were not supposed to have a cat at our apt, we just couldn't live without a furry friend so we adopted Pinky our tabby cat. He stayed indoors and didn't cause trouble so it worked out purrfectly. He is my little snuggle buddy and I adore him! When we moved into our house we thought it would be nice to get Pinky a friend and since my Mom had become so attached to Bella we decided to let her keep him (while visiting regularly) and we adopted our beautiful Lola, she loves giving kisses. A few months later My Mom's land lord decided she couldn't have an outdoor cat because he bothered the neighbors. So we got to bring Bella home with us. My Mom was sad, we were worried about having 3 cats but in the end it worked out great! Bella loves it here in Long Beach, he has so much space to be himself. He loves when my Mom comes and brings him treats :)

We had thought about bringing a puppy into our family for quite some time, but we were worried about the cats, and didn't know if it was right for us. Then in November of 2010 our home was broken in to and all of our jewelry and electronics + some were taken from us. We then decided it was a good time to get some protection. Instead we got Bentley, haha I kid I kid he is a wonderful dog. Even though he isn't the most ferocious dog out there he makes me feel protected when I am home alone or when Josue and I are both gone from the house. Bentley is adorable, and he loves to play. Josue is smitten with him and is his snuggle buddy ;)

I'm not sure how we became such animal lovers, but now that we have these four I couldn't picture my life without a single one of them! Sometimes we even have to tell each other no when we think about adding one more to the family. As much as I want a friend for Bentley we know that four is enough for us... for now ;)